Good-bye 2014, Hello 2015

It is the last day of 2014.  It has been an interesting year for me - one of incredibly good news, and yet also one of transition.  In some ways, I think it is as difficult to stand at the precipice of death as it is to stand safely a few steps back.   The view has changed, which has required an adjustment in not only thinking, but also in being.  Before I was dizzy, looking down at that

Chemo-brained Christmas

I made it to another Christmas.  Good news indeed, but ungrateful wench that I am, I'm not quite feeling the joy and love I did last year.   This year I'm back to my traditional, "I hate those effing tree needles all over my floor"  rat race.    I no longer have the nagging feeling that it's my "last Christmas ever" that is so scary yet also heightens all things good and makes life seem

Survivor's Guilt

“Isn’t she supposed to be dead by now?”


I fear those words may be whispered behind my back as I go out in public.

It’s true. I couldn't blame the whisperers. I was supposed to be dead. I thought I would be by now too.
So why am I not when so many others are?

I don’t know, and that leaves me confused, with no data to steady myself. There is no clean answer.

How long do you have to